Companion of Ostriches

Busy Days and Knitting Days

2006-06-18T08:49:00.000-06:00

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in so long. Since March my husband has been living in his new job town during the week, then coming home on the week-ends. Three of my teens have jobs (had - yesterday was the last day) but don't drive yet. School is not yet over for one of my teens. My husband would like me to pack up large portions of the house so that we can finish fixing it up and it will sell. The six people that are my children all seem to need such a vast amount of my time just to converse!

Okay - enough complaining. All that stuff above - those are my blessings and I'm very grateful for my work as a wife and mother!! These are the days that I will be proud of later and wonder how I got through! These are the people that I am thrilled to serve.

I have started a knitting day at my home on Friday afternoons. I am teaching a lot of teens and interested mums how to start knitting. Eventually I would like to get it to the point where we can teach each other new techniques.

I have been knitting since I was 3yo. Now that I have taught five of my six children at home how to knit, I know that my mother probably hung over my every stitch in order for me to knit at that young age. AND she must have cast me on and off as well as turned the rows. Just like potty-training, SHE was probably trained more than I was! But the end result was that my mother only had two children and both of us now knit and love it.

I taught my daughter and step-daughter how to knit about a year and a half ago. It was like teaching adults and really fun. They both have taken off and have a love for it. My step-daughter has even knitted a glove and a sock - and then decided that she would give them to people with only one of said appendage since she really didn't want to do a second! She's really funny. Both her and my daughter have made enough scarves to wrap the people of the town at least once. Now my step-daughter is making purses in beautiful colours with a strand of eyelash and a strand of chenille, and a funky button to close. She has made about a dozen now and they are super cute.

My daughter has an interesting story with her scarves. She made them for birthdays for everyone she knew - especially her skating friends. None of them were saved. Through her generosity and love for her friends, one of the girls went on a conference week-end with my daughter and became saved! Now this girl comes to my knitting Fridays and is learning how to do more than just knit! It is so exciting.

The funniest part of my knitting is my 14yo son. He has also learned to knit. He does touques (or beanies or hats as you all them down here in the US!). They have a little point on top and are VERY popular with his friends. He knits them up in really radical colours (like orange and pink together - ugh). Well, he would like to start an internet business called C*u*l*l*e*n's Hats and Hackysacks. (My step-daughter thinks that he should call it "Straight Knits" but he doesn't quite get it, which is good!) He just has to learn how to make hackysacks now! Then he has to learn how to have a internet business. There's no end to the creativity of some children, is there? I personally think that the purses could go on as well, but we'll see.

My 7yo son and newly-6yo daughter have learned to read this year and now they can read the Bible for themselves - it's so exciting and my first experience teaching children to read. After that success I thought that they would be ready to knit. And they were! Both have started with scarves and juggling balls and things are going well. My 3yo son likes to pick out wool for his knitting projects, which I have to do of course, and he's just starting to realize that he isn't involved. He wants to learn now what everyone else is doing, but I have no intention of teaching him before he is 6 or 7yo.

My husband is wrapping up his Creation Sunday School program next week. On top of starting a new job, and travelling back and forth, he has diligently done this Sunday School program for the adults first and now the teens, and only one week-end off in between. He has also been working on the house and doing repairs and upgrades. His list is long and I'm very grateful for a man that works so hard. The reception for his program has been very good. People weren't sure what to expect from such a science-y and intelligent guy, but he's a good-ole' midwest cowboy when it comes down to it, and he talks like regular people most of the time.

Time to get on with Father's Day. May all the dads on the blogs today NOT get any collect calls today!

Creation

2006-04-25T23:03:00.000-06:00

A while back I mentioned that my husband was doing an eight-week Sunday School on young-earth creation. He has now completed it, and has started the program for the teen group. The requests for more information and future courses have come fast and furious. There seems to be a real thirst for the information and the truth.

My husband was born and raised in a Christian home. He has always assumed the inerrant accuracy of the Bible. Mentions of evolution in school pretty much just slid off his back.

Not so with me. I was not raised with any knowledge of Christianity and I had heard of nothing but evolution growing up. I remember my Grade 9 Social Studies teacher drawing a clock on the blackboard, and putting the Big Bang in the first minute, the first fish about the half-hour mark, and Man in the final minute of the clock. It was a powerful lesson. It was also wrong.

Geoffrey Burbridge is a science writer that isn't a Christian (at least not when I was doing my research a while back, although he may be now). He wrote fairly and honestly. He had some serious questions about the theory of evolution because the nature of science defies the direction of evolving into higher forms of life. Specifically, the Second Law of Thermodynamics, or more commonly known as Entropy, states that all matter is in a process of degrading. In other words, work must be done in order to maintain any item in it's present state.

This is exactly opposite of evolution. We are not evolving into higher beings. That flies in the face of known and acceptable science. Even secular scientists know this. Which is why Steven Hawking and Geoffrey Burbridge and many, many others are questioning the Theory of Evolution, although neither one wants to accept Creation as a plausible possibility.

To me, the only good science is truthful science. I care not for this theory or the next if it belies truth. Science is one of the main reasons I am a God-fearing, Bible-believing Christian. Quite frankly, nothing else explains existance with such sufficiency and clarity. Then, once truth is allowed a foothold in a person's life, and you realize you're conversing with the Maker of the Universe (and what an awesome universe it is!) then you shake in your boots. If creation is this awesome, doesn't that make you bow down to the Creator?

So, as my husband instructs his listeners, as you can take all available scientific data, what you do with it defines your worldview. You can either decide that you believe God at His word, or you don't. That's the bottom line. There is no need, as a Christian, to 'interpret' the Bible. We only need to read it. It says exactly what God means it to say. It is clear and straightforward. It is not convoluted and mixed up with secret meanings and judgements and interpretations. It is only and exactly what it is.

When God says that He made the world and everything in it in six days, then that is what happened. Since God defined the word 'day,' He would also be the one capable of stating it in a sentence (or a chapter of sentences) and have it mean what He means it to be.

I struggle with any other method of reading the Bible. They are problematic and power-syphoning. The Bible is both the most understandable and beautiful piece of literature on earth. It is also the Word of God. Since He created both it and us, He would know what we would need to know how to live.

My husband has not yet heard the good reception he is getting after his first Sunday with the teens. The teens have not previously heard most of this stuff. It is solid and worthy of knowing. Science is easily supported from a Biblical worldview. Science is not easily supported with evolution. But sin is blinding. I am very prayerful that the truth will spread in science because the freedom that it brings is life-giving and stunningly beautiful.

Farmstead

2006-04-12T23:11:00.000-06:00

Well, my husband spent the evening with a family that is going to sell their farm. They live a half an hour from my husband's new job, and about an hour from where we now live. They homeschool their nine children and they homestead their seventeen acres.

This family is looking for a section of land somewhere in the midwest - they are not fussy where, except that the price has to be right. They said that if they find such a piece of land, then they will sell this property.

But I am very intimidated by all that this family does. Let me see if I can remember it all:
- farm milk and beef cows
- sell excess beef cows for profit
- make their own cheese and butter
- farm heritage pigs
- sell their pork to a New York restaurant that wants hormone-free meat
- strawberry growers - 10 buckets per day during peak season
- echinacea growers
- large family garden
- steer breeders
- horse trainers
- can, freeze and dry food for the winter
- exist self-sufficiently on their land
Oh, and they are also performers with a couple of CDs out.

I think I would need to ask for instructions if I were to be mistress of such a farm.

Ironically (and really - is anything ironic with God?) I was looking on the internet yesterday for a career for my 14yo son. He has recently shown interest in being a Youth Pastor, and he would like to be a farmer in order to make his living. SO - I found a page where a farmer uses his animals in their natural tendecies in order to run his farm. The pigs are used to plow a field, for instance. Mother Earth News did an article on this man, Joel Salatin.

Well, the farmer that my husband visited with this evening does the same thing!How cool is that? I would love to learn how to farm like this but I worry that I'm not strong enough, or too busy with the kids (yet this family of nine children does it!) and I'm just not sure.... I would love to start my son on a feasible career though. That would be totally cool. This family has seemingly made a DVD on how to live like they do because they have so many people asking them how.

Anyway, I'm also very excited that something may be in the offing. Building a home is still in our minds, but we are willing to wait upon the Lord for the perfect timing. Or whatever God would like us to do.

Gratefulness

2006-04-07T05:42:00.000-06:00

Three things I am grateful for:

1) My children: I know I have heard incessantly and forever that people are grateful for their children, but until I was there, I had NO IDEA! They make me better, and stick around even when I'm not at my best. (Okay - I know - where are they going to go?) They cuddle me, which is saying something, 'cause I'm not much of a cuddler. They love me. All I can think is, this must be how God loves us.

2) My lifestyle: I am grateful for the ability to stay home with my children. To be perfectly honest, I would fight tooth and nail (and I have in the past) to stay home with my children. I am grateful for the house over us to keep us warm. I am grateful for the little farm and it's quirky animals. I am grateful that we homeschool and all that stuff wrapped up together that makes my lifestyle.

3) My husband: The one who enables the all the other things is my gift straight from God: my man. We have, in some ways, much more to learn about each other, but there is goodness in growth.

ALL of the above is a direct result of being blessed by God. I had no idea when I started to follow the Lord, where it would lead. I had no idea that a lifestyle dedicated to God would change me so radically. I had no idea that I would like it.

I am so very, very grateful.

Homes in Various Flavours

2006-04-03T08:07:00.000-06:00

We went to talk to a log home builder on the week end. We have a beautiful home planned. It is exactly what we need. And double what we can afford.

Now dh is trying to convince me that I can live in a metal home. I asked "You mean like a tractor shed?" Yeah, he said. "With windows?" I ask. "Okay," he said. "Maybe," I said.

I have asked to not live in a trailer house. I think they are wonderful for up to four or five people. I also think they are wonderful for those who send their children to school. Trying to run my school and bed down 6 children in a trailer makes me feel a bit cramped.

Then again - maybe we should buy a trailer and put it on some land and start on that log home.

The house we are in is a bit of a miracle. I knew it when we bought it, but it is really sinking in now. We have only paid off 10 percent since we bought it 5 and a half years ago, but it has increased in value about 30 percent. We should be able to recoup a bit of a down payment for the next house. We also have only 1700 sq ft, but it is well put together (with five bedrooms and a 'big' kitchen and living) and it is tidy. I can live with that.

DH has finished his 8 week Creation Sunday School with the parents-of-teens group. Next week will be the Q&A session. Then Easter Sunday. Then he will start the teens group for 8 weeks. He has committed himself to this now.

I keep wondering if God hasn't given us a home because he wants us to stay here and finish Creation teaching in this church.

Next week we are going to a log home auction. A lot of people have warned us about log home auctions. Not people that own log houses, though.

Deeply Distressed

2006-03-26T16:47:00.001-06:00

I am Deeply Distressed.

In Sunday School today in church, two of our littles (5yo daughter and 7yo son) were given communion. Without our prior consent. Without our knowledge. And without our presense.

We feel violated. I am more choked than ever before, with regards to our church.

The children received communion from the two women that teach their class - a K-Gr1 class. I have always trusted the leader and her helper. I couldn't imagine that they would pull something like this. Never before has this happened.

Is this what it means to be a companion to ostriches?? Fill me in, fellow companions. Am I overreacting to my children's first communion? Are there that many clued-out Christians out there that they JUST DON'T GET IT??

History is Alive

2006-03-20T14:12:00.000-06:00

I love the history course the kids and I are using. I don't want to mention it's name because I don't want to unrighteously direct google searches to my blog. So..it is the M*ystery of H*istory. Hopefully that will help. It is so wonderful. I have also had occassion to email the author a couple of times and she is a humble, God-loving woman. We did the first course (creation to crucifiction) last year and are within a week of finishing the second course (resurrection to 1465). It is for children younger than my three teens, but I make it tougher with expectation and we go at a faster pace. (Here it is March and we are almost finished.) Linda Hobar says that she is about halfway through the third course, but it won't be completed for my two girls (both finishing grade 11) to partake. Sad.

I am learning so much. It is done chronologically and in bite-size pieces. I hope the kids are picking up half as much as I am, but I suspect they are because my oldest has considered a History major in university. Her big question has been, "What can she do for a living if she did a History major?" I suggested that she could a) be a mum; b) go on a mission with a real appreciation and an historical perspective for different cultures; c) write more history courses that have a true ability to talk to and about real people. She loves to write.

We are definitely trying to finish the school year quickly now, with this pending move.

Please also pray for our future housing - we have looked at four houses with land so far, all of them yucky. I just cannot believe what people will live in. The land is beautiful, but we can't afford it with the houses on it. We also can't find appropriate land without houses. (So far.)

God in His timing.

My husband has been writing and delivering a Sunday School Course on young-earth literal 6-day creation throughout the 4 months that he was un/self-employed (indulgent facetiousness intended). He has written an 8-week course, which I will tell you about in another blog. BUT he has 2 weeks left to write and deliver. I am mighty suspicious that God will wait to give us housing until AFTER dh has completed his course. This is only the beginning, though, for my husband. He loves doing this research. He loves talking about God and the truth of putting scripture above all. I will tell you all about this later.

Money Changing

2006-03-17T22:35:00.000-06:00

I bought a cash box today to teach my 5yod and my 7yos about money, but my 7yos is not interested in it because it is not an ATM. {{sigh}}

On My Own Again

2006-03-13T20:23:00.000-06:00

I know I really have nothing to complain about, but I really didn't expect that my 7 years of single parenting would be training for my marriage! Dh is off to his work every Sunday night and comes back the following Thursday to lead Bible study, then back to work and home again Friday for the week-end. This will continue until we get moved, unless it takes longer than three months, and then I don't know what will happen.

I know I shouldn't complain because I do like my kids to eat. I think it's rather special to have an income.

But here I am again on my own. It's not that it's all bad. I get a lot more knitting done (and some of you are aware of my impossible project in progress). I get to read, and eat a few different things that dh doesn't like but the kids and I do.

Still ... the kids tend to push limits harder, so I have to have more energy to keep that in check. I don't really have a lot of adults to talk to, what with homeschooling and all, while husband is away.

I think I shall have a pity party just for me!

I wish I had the energy to actually write something entertaining, witty and intelligent. With the way I struggle to think, though, while to fatigued, it may have to wait until next decade.

Building?

2006-03-05T22:47:00.000-06:00

I can hardly believe this - but we are considering building a home. We both love wood/log-type homes, although probably not full logs because I hear it is time-consuming to maintain it. We both would love to have some eoc-things installed, primarily to get somewhat off the grid, but also to lower monthly expenses. With all the children that we have and, God willing, the grandchildren that we will have, we figure we need 6-7 bedrooms. Plus I would love an area for projects - it is so hard to run a school without one. Open floor plan for kitchen-living-dining. Master on the main.

In addition to this, we have known for 4 days that we are moving, and a very good friend of ours came up to us at church this morning, and told us that he would like to talk to us about buying our home - probably it would be his kids (in their 20s and 30s) that would be buying it. I can hardly believe most of what is happening. I think my head is spinning. I know that nothing will be normal now until we get into something and call it home for a few months.

I started on the border for my knitted bed cover (and I refuse to call it an afghan - hate that word, though I don't why). I think that my little (okay, MONSTROUS!) project is going to be what I hang my hat on for the next few months.

Links and Stuff

2006-03-03T21:39:00.000-06:00

I would love to link to my friends here in the Blogworld, but I have yet to figure it out. (That and about a hundred other things about this blog that I want to learn.) Both Difster and Serena have offered to help - THANK-YOU both!! And I will be learning this stuff - but right now I would like to at least maintain a slight connection with y'all (my new US accent coming out here!) and deal with the details later.

Dh and the 6 chilluns with us drove around our 'new' town today and it's really quite lovely. Some of the kids are stressed RIGHT OUT (especially those with hormones rampaging) but we all must walk through it. I'm not usually very good with feelings - I mean I used to have them and all, but they are a serious waste of time when there's STUFF to do, and there is so much stuff these days. Well -- I surprised myself today and actually said the right thing to my 17yod. She was silently weeping over the move, and I said that I remember feeling like that when I had to move as a teen (pretty good, huh? - empathy all over?!?) and then I told her that I didn't mean to be cold, but I had moved alot and I was very used to the feelings. Somehow or other I reached her and it took the heat out of her grief. Praise the Lord that I am better than I really am.

I do feel badly, but I just keep coming back to the Lord's will - I mean, if we have to move, I know that it is for the good of everyone in the family, not must Mr. WageEarner. I so trust our Father to do what is right that to NOT do whatever He calls us to would be the very worst thing ever. That kind of thinking, she is not grasping yet. She knows it in her head, but not yet in her heart. She definitely loves the Lord, and wants to follow Him the rest of her life, but there is still a gap between the knowledge and the full realization.

The three-year old also had a major case of hormones today. Oh my. We couldn't look at him without him having a meltdown! (Don' wook at me! I not happy mama!) The worst part of this is that he thinks he speaks English and the rest of us just stare blankly at him and each other, wondering what the issue is! He gets so frustrated with us. The five-year old is on translation duty and she has been slipping lately.

Time to go. I'm knitting a new cover for our KING size bed (read: two year project) and I expect myself to perform a miracle to have it finished for our new home! (Okay, maybe have it done for winter?!?)

Moving!!

2006-03-02T16:44:00.001-06:00

My husband ended up with two choices for employment - one is a teacher of engineering at the local college and the other is a magnetics engineer an hour and a half away at a medical research company. He has chosed the magnetics engineering job. As much as he loves teaching, he still prefers to work with magnets. He's such a science geek!! Thus, we have three months to move, or longer if we want to get into the big bucks of having housing there as well as here.

Tonight our home group is coming for dinner, since this is the last time we can meet. Dh starts work a week today; tomorrow we are going to find him an apartment. I am packing up a few essentials for him tonight.

Life sure turns a corner in a hurry, n'est pas?

Anyway, my kids are stressing, so I covet your prayers on their behalf. Thanx everyone.

Sleeping Little Ones

2006-02-22T03:51:00.000-06:00

I am up again in the middle of the night. I have a lot of night fears, almost always about my children. I struggle with faith when it comes to my kids. I know that they are only leant to me for a season. I know that they belong to the Lord, and for that I am so grateful. I resist giving them to Him completely, believing falsely that I have anything to do with their safety and well-being. I love them so much.

When my first husband - and I thought my best friend - left us, I was pregnant with my son (although I didn't know at the time) and my daughter was just over 2yo. I started sleeping with my littles at that time because I would have nightmares about them and if they were right beside me I could get back to sleep. They could sleep through anything, those two! I would kiss their little faces and give them a big hug, and they wouldn't be the least disturbed!

My now-husband is a very openminded man. He has allowed us to sleep with our babies as well. It bodes well for nursing and mum getting any sleep - as I have mentioned, sleep is a rather elusive thing for me some nights. We have had one, and sometimes two, and even occassionally three! babies in bed with us some nights. Dh has now tired with our bigger children in bed with us. Two have been permanently settled in their own beds in the past two years.

Because our last baby died, I believe Dh has delayed moving the boy just older than her out of our bed. He saw me taking great comfort in having one more little one to cuddle. Now has come the time, however, and he has stated that junior is about to get the old heave-ho. I'm okay with this. It's a Good Thing.

And then the nightmares start again. I won't tell Dh about the nightmares - at least not where they come from in the recesses of my unfaithful heart - because I don't want to negatively impact the Good Thing in a little boy weaning from his mother. I know in my head that this is right.

It just doesn't stop the nightmares.

A Pink Carnation

2006-02-18T01:02:00.000-06:00

I went to Holland for a year after my first year of college. I worked in an 'au pair' situation, where I had a low-level job and received a stippend monthly as well as room and board. During the first half-year I lived about twenty minutes by train from Amsterdam. Once a week I would get on the train and travel into Amsterdam for a Bible study, lead by the good people from Youth With a Mission. They had a boat in the harbour behind the train station set up as a library and headquarters, but the study was in a house in the Red Light District.

One day I was travelling back to my sponsor's after Bible study. It was still light out, but the sun was low in the sky, streaking out over the station as I climbed into the train. Since it was only twenty minutes to my stop, I decided to stay in the 'standing-only' section of the car at the entrance. I turned toward the door, waiting for the conductor to close it up, and fell peaceful in the golden glaze of the setting sun. It was warm, blinding, encompassing.

Suddenly, from out of the gold light came a hand. The hand was holding out a pink carnation. To me. I took the flower and a man said in Dutch, "This is for you."

I couldn't see the face, or tell at all who he was. And then he was gone.

Carole's also in the Middle Somewhere...!

2006-02-18T00:37:00.000-06:00

I am trying to figure out how to put pictures on my blog, but my rank inexperience is rearing its ugly head. How I desire a technical mind sometimes!

The Womb With A View

2006-02-17T23:50:00.000-06:00

I know my title is verging on tacky, but I wanted to stress that my 'view' is on the Lord. And I wanted to know if any of you also believe that God should be in charge of how many children a couple has. My husband and I sort of fell into this doctrine (or, truth be known, we believe we were led into it) and I was curious how many others think this way too.

When we married, as you may have read, he had 5 children with his practice marriage, and I had two. We have since had three more and one little one that died at birth, and one more that we miscarried. We didn't mean to make so many children, but we found out that we couldn't use birth control. I refused to use the birth control pill, and have since learned that a lot of them are actually abortificants. Dh bought, I believe, three packages of, well, those covering thingys (please don't make me say the word) and we just couldn't use them. It felt SO WRONG!!

So we continue to have children. I have to admit though, that other than birth itself, having kids is rather grand. I really didn't like children before I had my own because so many are so awful (and I know that my blog friends have good children because you are all so sweet and God-fearing). But now I know that children that are raised properly, with discipline, are actually neat. A joy to be around. A blessing - as the good Lord tells us they are supposed to be.

Just wondering, that is, if any of you still check my blog, whether any of you have had thoughts along this line.

And BTW - sorry for not writing for so long. Life will not always be this busy, will it?

Boys and Girls

2006-01-24T14:08:00.000-06:00

Maybe I really don't have anything else to talk about. Maybe my whole life is just my children. Maybe I've been sucked into the Great Abyss that is the life of parenting and that's it...my life is over...I'll never be interesting, well informed or privy to the academic world again.

Oh well....My boys are roughhousing on the (little) livingroom floor, whilst I yell - "Algebra! Time to do algebra! Really, guys!" The girls are running around trying to control everything - the boys, the math, and the livingroom. I don't think the boys have noticed yet.

I'm starting to think that this is the way our sin-nature has left us. Boys are bigger than life and ready to fill all of it with themselves, their voices or their 'things.'

Girls are trying to bring life down to their size, their world, their comprehension. They love to have it lined up, figured out, visible and within their grasp.

Around lunchtime each day, my children start to short out. The boys' eyes are glazed over. The girls drift into more interesting conversations. The comments of the three-year-old become way too funny. ("Dit is a wubber band, not an 'lastic band." - Three-year-olds know everything, you know.)

Time to shift gears. The boys really need to get outside for a run!

Babies

2006-01-23T21:02:00.000-06:00

I spent the day sick, being last in the long line that is my family to have this particular ugly bug. It has only been the day, and really not that bad, so I won't complain. But it was a day of dozing and thinking and realizing that I really haven't wrapped up last year yet, due to the unflux of said ugly bug.

It was a dramatic year, and one event in particular stands out. We had a baby. Not just any baby. It was our 11th baby. We have a blended family, but that's another story.

Anyway, at the turn of the year, 2005, I was 3 months pregnant, and thinking that it was time to be getting over the morning yukkies. But, this was a different pregnancy. The yukkies didn't really go away. My midwife measured me small until 4 months, then I started getting really big. Then there was an extra 'clunk' on the doppler with the baby's heartbeat, and 2 weeks later it was still there.

I'm all for homebirth (and homeschooling and homekeeping and homedieing - if it came down to it) but this was not going well. I went to get an ultrasound and that doctor wouldn't even look me in the eye. He told me to go to the specialist. But before I had a chance to, the very next morning I started to haemorrhage. I drove (with dh) the hour and a half drive to the hospital to see the specialist. While there we got the full battery of screens, tests (but I nixed the amnio - nasty little test, that one).

The tech and the doctor told us that the baby was trisomy - an extra chromosome on one of the 23 pairs. The health and well-being depended upon which pair of chromosomes the trisomy occured. The doctor felt fairly sure that the baby was not Trisomy 21 (which would have been a Downs baby). He thought, because of the small head and the heart abnormalities that the baby was probably Trisomy 13 or 18.

I spent a night in the hospital to make sure the bleeding was stopped, and then went home the next day. The doctors said that I would likely finish up the three remaining months of the pregnancy but I would deliver in the hospital when the time came. It was a case of "Go home and wait."

The week-end that followed was the worst of my life. I grieved this little baby. My husband, not unlike Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor, spent the week-end looking for whatever else the affliction could be. I gave my heart over the God. DH was determined to fix the problem.

On Monday I started to haemorrhage again. I called dh and he came and got me. I started labour on the hour and a half drive. By the time we got there, I was in full swing. It took half an hour to get a room. Our pastor and his wife arrived soon afterwards and just came and sat in the room with us.

I have never had a baby in under 12 hours of labour. This little baby was only 5.5 hours. At the last minute, the doctor thought that he was going home for the night, and checked me. I was in transition. They threw scrubs at my husband and wheeled me into the operating room. Two pushes and out came our little girl. My husband got there just afterwards.

She was Trisomy 13. She had a cleft lip and a deformed heart. I took 15 minutes to birth the placenta and she lived another 15 minutes after that. I held her. DH held her. They did try to get in cardiologists and all that battery, but I took one look at her and I said to dh, "Honey, we have to let her go." He was shattered. He cried and held her. They took the tubes out and slowly, gently her heart simply stopped. There was never a sound out of her. We never got to see her eyes. She simply went home that quickly.

I stayed in the hospital that night of course. I held my baby and rocked. It was so nice. Sweet, dear friends came to collect our other children and took them home to their house earlier in the evening. Praise the Lord. We didn't know all that would happen that evening and our children were well cared for. DH called the children and told them. I just rocked our baby.

We named her Helsah Grace. Helsah is Hebrew for "given to God."

We know what she looks like. We know her soul. And we know where she is. There are days when I really, really miss her.

International Pun Contest

2006-01-22T23:39:00.000-06:00

I guess this came out last fall, and I checked with Snopes with no result, so I'm hoping it's real. But on the ten best puns, this one, I thought was the best:

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ...... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Paradigm Shifts

2006-01-22T23:07:00.000-06:00

Until I met and married my mid-western husband, I was a west-coast girl. I don't eat meat. I love the beach. I do well in traffic, and boy! do I miss my lattes.

That said, I also love the mid-west. The wide open skies are inspiring. The four seasons are invigorating. I know almost everyone in town. If I wanted to drive down the wrong side of the road all the way to town, most days no one would notice.

But still, there are times that the change is awkward. For instance, I didn't cook a lot before I got married to my dh. In fact, I didn't know that I could even learn it. Martha (Stewart, of course) says that if we get enough experience cooking, we will be able to tell whether or not something is finished by it's aroma. Turns out, she's right! Who knew? Even I can learn to cook.

So today, for my daughter's delayed (due to illness) 17th birthday party, we had 16 people over, adding to our 8, .... so that makes 24 (uh - sorry; this was for my benefit - it's very late). I whipped up a quick batch of burritos for lunch-after-church. And since most of them didn't leave until close to 9pm this evening, I whipped up a quick pot of potato soup for supper.

If I didn't have a firm rule that I don't do dishes, I don't think I could have done this. (My children do the dishes and laundry, and I do the cooking, the household administration, and the schooling. Husband's idea.)

But I look back at that west-coast girl, and it still amazes me that she can cook.

The Voice of an Angel

2006-01-08T15:05:00.000-06:00

My oldest daughter sang in church today. This is quite an event because we have 400 attendees at our church, with a large and active youth group - of which she is only marginally involved. (We disagree with the direction of most youth groups these days, but ours is improving and that's another topic.) Anyway, my daughter feels the heat. She spent the week at practices both at church and at home, doing horribly. No lie. We all agreed. She sounded AWFUL.

We had the Condition of the Heart conversation. She did the "Yeah, yeah. I know, mum" response thing. I wasn't impressed. She wasn't listening. (As any who know me know, I was an icon of parental respect when I was a teen [insert heavy sarcasm].)

I prayed with her and for her. I told her that the only reason for her to stand up there is to glorify the Lord, not herself. Understand, that she has sung many times before and the attention that she receives is overwhelming. She has a beautiful voice. Finally I said "Honey - you have experienced this before. You know that without God your voice is flat and lifeless. Let His glory flow through you!!" She sat. She was subdued. She was frustrated with me that I wasn't getting her. I was frustrated with her that she wasn't getting Him. We both prayed again.

Then she got up during offering to do her thing. It was stunning. It was dramatic. It was the voice of an angel. I prayed. She was praying (and I could tell). The Lord was glorified, and both of us knew it.

She came to sit down. I gave her a big 'thumbs up' and a smile. Her face was alive and vibrant: "Where did THAT come from?!" she laughed.

My oldest child turns 17 years old this week. She gets it. She is getting it more every day. And there is peace in my soul knowing that we are going to be sharing the same eternity.

Teaching The Bible

2006-01-07T21:26:00.002-06:00

It occured to me, not a week ago, that although I spend most of my days immersed in the Bible with all the conversations and curriculi that the children and I encounter, we have yet to just read through the Bible. I know that a couple of them have done it on their own, but I also have the type of children that require a bloody bomb to get motivated. So I decided that we need to read through the Bible this year. It would put us, in one year, just under the wire for the first two graduates from our home school.

I found a great outline from Ransom Fellowship that is called the "Bible Program for Shirkers and Slackers." My kinda Bible program. So far, so good, but the tough part is the week-end. We've done three chapters per day, and - thrill of my life - the littles are joining us at the ages of kindergarten and grade two. I love this job!!

It has really come home to me, that although I have always been heavily into the academics, nothing matters but The Word. It really does change lives.

Abram and Sarai

2006-01-03T15:39:00.000-06:00

I've been working through The Patriarchs by Beth Moore, and I'm getting a bit out of it, but not what I expected.

The story of Abram and Sarai entering Egypt (about Genesis 12 or so) is one that leaves me a bit uncomfortable. Abram received the call from God to leave Ur. He heard the voice of the one true God and took Sarai his wife (and a bunch of livestock and his nephew Lot with his wife and kids and their livestock...) and off he went. He headed for the Negev, which is not a very lovely place - all desert. I can't imagine how hard it was for Sarai. Here she was, the wife of a rich man in a major city with all the comforts of home, and her husband comes up with the idea that he wants to camp, outside, in the desert - indefinitely. Now, I'm all for an adventure once in a while, but this one is really pushing it. She, therefore, must have had a great deal of faith in God and her husband.

Then, as they pull into the Negev, Abram hears about a drought in Egypt - so that is where he wants to go next. Off they travel again, the entire entourage. This must have taken about as long as it took to get to the Negev - it's about the same distance on a paper map; then again, that may mean nothing. And it must have been difficult to manage such a large group - there weren't any McDonalds to stop at when the blood sugar was dropping. I keep thinking about the management of food and clothing as I gain experience in these areas with my own large family. We are such a generation of complainers. Just look back a millenia or two and we really have nothing to say.

So then Abram and Sarai get to Egypt and Abram decides - yes - he premeditates this idea - that Sarai, being his half-sister and a totally gorgeous woman, should not tell anyone that she is also his wife. He's all worried that he may get knocked off because of her. True to his fears, the local men think that that Sarai is stunning (and I think she is in her 60s here - she must have been amazing), so they go tell the Pharaoh. Well, since she is a 'free' woman, the Pharoah thinks that she should be his, and he takes her off to the palace AND PAYS ABRAM FOR HER in livestock. Lovely.

Now God, being the True Protecter, DIDN'T abandon Sarai as her husband did, and vests all kinds of nasty plagues on the Pharaoh who somehow or other gets wind of the truth. Being an ethical guy, he gives Sarai back to her boob of a husband. We don't really know if Sarai is violated by the Pharaoh - the Bible doesn't say - but Abram doesn't complain when she gets back to his tent. Dare he.

And here's my issue: how many times do we think we're doing the Lord's will and we get to where we were told to go and it doesn't look anything like a blessing. In fact it looks like we took a wrong turn somewhere. Sarai must have felt awful, having left home and family to follow her husband into the great abyss of the Negev and Egypt, to be a submissive and obedient wife - just to have him turn tail and run when she needs protection the most! Wouldn't that get to you?

AND YET - this is the man that God chose for her; this is the man through whom God channeled the lineage of Christ; this is the man that God chose to be the seed of Israel. Oh my word - what a dichotomy. God can even use a man like Abram to accomplish His will. He is not limited by our lack of integrity; He is not limited by anything we are or anything we do.

I can relate to Sarai. She must have felt abandonned by her man. And yet we are all human and tend toward the Ugly - and I can understand that too. God puts us where he wants us, and it is in faith that we behave the way we should - NOT the way we feel.

There is no doubt that Sarai also had issues - I mean who, in their right mind thinks that she can have a baby by having another woman sleep with her husband (see Genesis 16)? Honestly - that's just not right.

In our marriages and relationships, we all feel emotionally abandonned sometimes. We all feel all kinds of things - and yet God's call to high moral behaviour is constant and righteous. No matter what we feel. I guess I consider this my New Year's Resolution, if I am pressed to commit to one. I would love to see my behaviour climb a notch or two - to see my heart move in the direction of purity - to love my God more.

Snow and 'the Farm'

2006-01-02T17:57:00.000-06:00

This would be a good day to start a blog. Half of us have been snowed in for a couple of days and school isn't quite rolling yet. A very wonderful neighbour has come over with a little skidder and pushed the worst of the snow out of the way - we are way grateful. The other half of the family was stranded away from the house since yesterday and our very social teen now wants nothing but home. Funny, that.

I quickly fed the animals today during a 'warm' spell at about lunchtime. One of the chickens escaped the coop. Silly girl. I chased her around the tack room getting both of us in a flap until she finally fluttered and fluffed her way back inside. A dozen eggs today - yeah! The horses actually looked grateful for the alfalfa I threw over the fence. The cats followed me around the yard up and over the drifts and through the snow, even after I left them a few morsels of food in the cat barn (yes, really - no other self-respecting animal would live in it anyway).

I am looking forward to meeting people and learning more about this way of communicating.

Carole