Babies
I spent the day sick, being last in the long line that is my family to have this particular ugly bug. It has only been the day, and really not that bad, so I won't complain. But it was a day of dozing and thinking and realizing that I really haven't wrapped up last year yet, due to the unflux of said ugly bug.
It was a dramatic year, and one event in particular stands out. We had a baby. Not just any baby. It was our 11th baby. We have a blended family, but that's another story.
Anyway, at the turn of the year, 2005, I was 3 months pregnant, and thinking that it was time to be getting over the morning yukkies. But, this was a different pregnancy. The yukkies didn't really go away. My midwife measured me small until 4 months, then I started getting really big. Then there was an extra 'clunk' on the doppler with the baby's heartbeat, and 2 weeks later it was still there.
I'm all for homebirth (and homeschooling and homekeeping and homedieing - if it came down to it) but this was not going well. I went to get an ultrasound and that doctor wouldn't even look me in the eye. He told me to go to the specialist. But before I had a chance to, the very next morning I started to haemorrhage. I drove (with dh) the hour and a half drive to the hospital to see the specialist. While there we got the full battery of screens, tests (but I nixed the amnio - nasty little test, that one).
The tech and the doctor told us that the baby was trisomy - an extra chromosome on one of the 23 pairs. The health and well-being depended upon which pair of chromosomes the trisomy occured. The doctor felt fairly sure that the baby was not Trisomy 21 (which would have been a Downs baby). He thought, because of the small head and the heart abnormalities that the baby was probably Trisomy 13 or 18.
I spent a night in the hospital to make sure the bleeding was stopped, and then went home the next day. The doctors said that I would likely finish up the three remaining months of the pregnancy but I would deliver in the hospital when the time came. It was a case of "Go home and wait."
The week-end that followed was the worst of my life. I grieved this little baby. My husband, not unlike Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor, spent the week-end looking for whatever else the affliction could be. I gave my heart over the God. DH was determined to fix the problem.
On Monday I started to haemorrhage again. I called dh and he came and got me. I started labour on the hour and a half drive. By the time we got there, I was in full swing. It took half an hour to get a room. Our pastor and his wife arrived soon afterwards and just came and sat in the room with us.
I have never had a baby in under 12 hours of labour. This little baby was only 5.5 hours. At the last minute, the doctor thought that he was going home for the night, and checked me. I was in transition. They threw scrubs at my husband and wheeled me into the operating room. Two pushes and out came our little girl. My husband got there just afterwards.
She was Trisomy 13. She had a cleft lip and a deformed heart. I took 15 minutes to birth the placenta and she lived another 15 minutes after that. I held her. DH held her. They did try to get in cardiologists and all that battery, but I took one look at her and I said to dh, "Honey, we have to let her go." He was shattered. He cried and held her. They took the tubes out and slowly, gently her heart simply stopped. There was never a sound out of her. We never got to see her eyes. She simply went home that quickly.
I stayed in the hospital that night of course. I held my baby and rocked. It was so nice. Sweet, dear friends came to collect our other children and took them home to their house earlier in the evening. Praise the Lord. We didn't know all that would happen that evening and our children were well cared for. DH called the children and told them. I just rocked our baby.
We named her Helsah Grace. Helsah is Hebrew for "given to God."
We know what she looks like. We know her soul. And we know where she is. There are days when I really, really miss her.
It was a dramatic year, and one event in particular stands out. We had a baby. Not just any baby. It was our 11th baby. We have a blended family, but that's another story.
Anyway, at the turn of the year, 2005, I was 3 months pregnant, and thinking that it was time to be getting over the morning yukkies. But, this was a different pregnancy. The yukkies didn't really go away. My midwife measured me small until 4 months, then I started getting really big. Then there was an extra 'clunk' on the doppler with the baby's heartbeat, and 2 weeks later it was still there.
I'm all for homebirth (and homeschooling and homekeeping and homedieing - if it came down to it) but this was not going well. I went to get an ultrasound and that doctor wouldn't even look me in the eye. He told me to go to the specialist. But before I had a chance to, the very next morning I started to haemorrhage. I drove (with dh) the hour and a half drive to the hospital to see the specialist. While there we got the full battery of screens, tests (but I nixed the amnio - nasty little test, that one).
The tech and the doctor told us that the baby was trisomy - an extra chromosome on one of the 23 pairs. The health and well-being depended upon which pair of chromosomes the trisomy occured. The doctor felt fairly sure that the baby was not Trisomy 21 (which would have been a Downs baby). He thought, because of the small head and the heart abnormalities that the baby was probably Trisomy 13 or 18.
I spent a night in the hospital to make sure the bleeding was stopped, and then went home the next day. The doctors said that I would likely finish up the three remaining months of the pregnancy but I would deliver in the hospital when the time came. It was a case of "Go home and wait."
The week-end that followed was the worst of my life. I grieved this little baby. My husband, not unlike Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor, spent the week-end looking for whatever else the affliction could be. I gave my heart over the God. DH was determined to fix the problem.
On Monday I started to haemorrhage again. I called dh and he came and got me. I started labour on the hour and a half drive. By the time we got there, I was in full swing. It took half an hour to get a room. Our pastor and his wife arrived soon afterwards and just came and sat in the room with us.
I have never had a baby in under 12 hours of labour. This little baby was only 5.5 hours. At the last minute, the doctor thought that he was going home for the night, and checked me. I was in transition. They threw scrubs at my husband and wheeled me into the operating room. Two pushes and out came our little girl. My husband got there just afterwards.
She was Trisomy 13. She had a cleft lip and a deformed heart. I took 15 minutes to birth the placenta and she lived another 15 minutes after that. I held her. DH held her. They did try to get in cardiologists and all that battery, but I took one look at her and I said to dh, "Honey, we have to let her go." He was shattered. He cried and held her. They took the tubes out and slowly, gently her heart simply stopped. There was never a sound out of her. We never got to see her eyes. She simply went home that quickly.
I stayed in the hospital that night of course. I held my baby and rocked. It was so nice. Sweet, dear friends came to collect our other children and took them home to their house earlier in the evening. Praise the Lord. We didn't know all that would happen that evening and our children were well cared for. DH called the children and told them. I just rocked our baby.
We named her Helsah Grace. Helsah is Hebrew for "given to God."
We know what she looks like. We know her soul. And we know where she is. There are days when I really, really miss her.
posted by Carole @ 9:02 PM
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